After the initial shock decision of conciously keeping our family as a little three I went on a mass cleaning and sorting of the house, including selling some of Little Man’s baby stuff. Something I thought I would never do, or if I did it would be met with great difficulty.
I am a hoarder of sentimental things and everything of his is, of course, extremely special to me. Yet, with the decision made it came surprisingly easy to be ruthless with our belongings. I realised holding onto inanimate objects doesn’t bring me closer to those memories. It doesn’t fill me with happiness, it won’t change my life in anyway.
It seems with the decision to stop trying I’m understanding what is important to me. I’m excited about the adventures we will have as a family. I’m embracing a new identity – one that isn’t tied up with loss. My body can be mine. I can catch up on sleep. I can enjoy the special bond I have with my son and not have this interrupted any time soon. I’m choosing to focus on the positives of having an only child and, at the moment at least, it’s coming quite easily.
I’ve made some big decisions already this year, some you may have caught wind of. Firstly, concentrating on my blogs with the hope to grow them and hopefully earn an income in some capacity. I’m lucky enough to have a loyal following with this blog and happily my photo blog, Amongst the Pineapples, is gaining momentum too so I’m confident with hard work I can achieve this. However, in order to have the time to commit to this ambition I have deferred university. It kind of made sense anyway since Hubby is considering doing the same course, starting in 2016, and we can study together. I have instead embraced my creative side and enrolled in a formal photography course that should take around six months to complete. I’m really excited about this, it feels right.
As I’ve recently mentioned, I’m in a really fortunate position where I don’t necessarily have to work so I figured, why waste it doing something I feel I should be doing. For the first time EVER I’m not looking at my five year plan, just my twelve month one.
Strangely I’ve also accepted the idea that Australia may not be my forever home. (If we could live in Tasmania then maybe, but that’s just not possible for us at the moment due to work commitments). I’ve been fighting the truth for a while for various reasons but I’ve owned up to the fact I’m not a beach person, I’m not a sun person, me and the sub-tropics just aren’t a good fit. I’m European and I long to go back. I miss the Northern hemisphere, wrapping up in winter and it’s getting time for my body clock to get back to normal. In saying that it’s not an immediate plan but I’m rediscovering myself and I’m trying to embrace the fear by pushing away the nagging feelings and thoughts that often raise their ugly heads. In a way I feel like I’m returning to the care-free Katie I was nearly ten years ago when I rashly started my travels.
In short, 2015 is my year. Not only to take a time out in order to get over the last but to be thankful for my life at this very moment, I mean, isn’t that what it’s really all about?