Monday was another really good day. I’m talking in terms of mood, really. So don’t get all excited thinking that I’m going to be writing about something fun that happened! Hubby was still sick and I woke with a sore throat but I powered through to sort the kids out, including taking Little Man to daycare and doing a dash to the shops with Little Red. I then came home and proceeded to spend several hours washing everything that was contaminated by the Panic Station Brown episode. There I was, enjoying life, my children and doing all the menial things that needed doing. I was coping and I seemed to have come out of the black haze I was in last week. I wasn’t due to take my second anti-depressant pill (for Post Natal Depression) until that evening. Surely it wasn’t all a placebo effect?
HOLY HAPPY PILLS BATMAN
No. As Hubby kindly put it to me, this is merely the cycle. I’m fine for a few weeks, a month or so, then I plummet and I plummet hard. That tiny little pill wasn’t going to be doing anything just yet, but that doesn’t mean I should stop any future use. This is the false security I constantly get lulled into. I feel great, on top of the world, I think I’m well and that PND has gone away but then it hits me like a ton of bricks again.
Forever the optimist, I’m looking forward to no more spirals. I’m feeling really good at the moment. I know I’m being my normal self, I’m patient and having fun with the girls while Little Man is at daycare. I’m missing him and enjoying our evenings together. I’m feeling connected to my loved ones – friends and family near and far. Showering and getting dressed doesn’t require all of my motivation. I feel at peace and self assured. Ideally I don’t want pills to make me feel that way but if it helps me to continue on this path then I’m game to try.