October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month with the fifteenth being it’s Remembrance Day. I still feel it’s, unfortunately, all quite a taboo subject, but one I’ve written extensively about nonetheless. Not so long ago, my blog was consumed with posts about the devastating loss of miscarriage. However, I’ve not really touched on the topic for a while. I’ve not suddenly forgotten about our experiences or “moved on” because I have multiple children now. No, I actually still think of my angel babies a lot. I guess the big difference is the hurt is simply not as raw anymore.
It’s true, I’ve received a form of closure since the girls arrival. I feel like our family is complete. The all-consuming longing is no longer with me 24/7. I know in my heart that a certain chapter of my life has closed and I’m more than at peace with that.
I remember, a few years ago, when I described the decision to stop trying to conceive “relieved heartbreak”. Relief that the unimaginable pain that losing a baby brings wouldn’t happen again but complete and utter heartbreak of the overall situation. The fact none of it wasn’t really a choice but a mental health necessity. Truth be told, it was all quite a bitter pill to swallow.
THE TRUTH ABOUT MISCARRIAGE
Many people believe a miscarriage is like a heavy period. It isn’t. Your body still has contractions, your mind is a mess and your heart feels like it’s actually broken inside of your chest. It can cause severe health complications for a woman so I feel that the comparison is quite flippant to say the least.
I still remember each and every miscarriage like it was yesterday. The grief period where you look at the world through different eyes and how everything seems to slow down. It’s quite magical really, when you think about it. The little mindf*ck bubble you find yourself in. So joyfully close, yet so painfully far. A parent forever, your heart enlarged and that feeling that your baby is still with you (until the bleeding stops).
THE IMPORTANCE OF LANGUAGE
I get mad at the language used in the media to describe miscarriage and stillbirth. I believe if you’re covering a story of this nature, be it celebrity focused or not, the most respectful thing you could ever do is to understand the differences and get the terminology correct. This might sound trivial to some, but that’s my point. NOTHING about miscarriage or infant loss is trivial and that’s why I talk openly about it.
The stigma and silence is undeserved because it happens to too many women, to too many families. Yes, it’s a hard subject. No one is saying it’s not, and it’s okay to find it difficult, we’re only human after all. Truthfully, it’s always going to be, but that doesn’t mean we should shy away from it.
We talk a lot about parenthood, becoming a Mum or Dad and creating villages. Families who have a miscarriage, birth a sleeping baby or know the tragedy of experiencing a SIDS loss also need an extra special kind of village, because they’re parents too.