Dear Little Red & Copperhead,
Yesterday you turned two. TWO! In that typically clichéd way, I’m going to say how fast the time has gone. In a lot of ways my heart longs to repeat the past two years, largely because I’ve been sick with Post Natal Depression for a lot of it. I feel like I have some regrets because of that illness. My heart breaks at the thought that I didn’t appreciate you both as much as I should have. Yet looking back at your baby pictures, you always look happy. Indeed our house continues to be full of laughter, baby chats and a generally delightful noise.
Thinking of you makes me smile and now that the fog of PND has cleared, I can say I relish every second of our days (and nights!) together. I miss you when we’re apart, I talk about you to strangers, heck, I even write about your antics. I am immensely proud of the both of you. You are my definition of the word joy.
The older one, the mother hen. Your energy knows no bounds and neither does your genius-like quality. You are indeed a smart cookie, something that is both charming and alarming! Knowing your cheeky nature and defiant streak, I worry what trouble it might get you in!
You beautifully gravitate towards animals with an affinity and confidence that seems beyond your years. It’s partly this why I’m confident you will find your way in life. You also carry yourself with such purpose and determination that I couldn’t imagine it any other way. You can be quick to lose your cool, but I think that’s simply down to being so passionate and feeling deeply. They’re attributes we have in common.
You’re noticeably tall, lean and physically strong, to the point you can easily overpower your big brother during play wrestling matches! We always joke that if there’s any trouble at school then you’ll be there to protect your siblings. I’ve actually already seen you do that when we were at an indoor playground recently. Another small child put their hand on your sisters arm, ready to give it a tug, and you were there in a shot, standing in front of Little Red, shielding her, and seeing off the offender. Some might say that was the mother hen in you, but I just think it was instinct. You don’t seem afraid of anything or anyone, creating a slightly intimidatingly hard demeanor. On the other hand, you are tenderness personified. A gorgeous and harmonious mix of strength, solidarity and geniality.
You love mummy cuddles, your family and friends and animals. Laughter and love comes easy to you and to me you are perfect. I absolutely adore you.
My Baby Bear. You are a joker through and through and you thrive on making others laugh. You are a natural comic and I wonder how that will pan out as you age. No doubt your teachers will be telling me you are the class clown!
You have a quiet self-assurance much like your Grandma. I actually think you look a lot like her too. She’s smart, kind, brave and strong-minded and you very much share all of those qualities.
Another admirable thing about you, is the fact your personality has already gotten you through some hardships. In contrast to your sisters obvious strength, you seem to have the mental ability that could conquer the world.
I’m sure you’re well aware of the physical issues that could have seriously impeded your development, but your tenacity with overcoming obstacles is nothing short of amazing. I watch you try and try again until you can do it. You never get frustrated or ask for help, you just have a rest and keep going or try something new. You’re a natural problem solver in that you figure out different ways of doing things. Maybe a little engineer is in our midst? Whatever you end up doing, I have to tell you that I really respect your can-do attitude.
Admittedly, it’s been hard for us to hear that you have physical issues. Hearing doctors say your bones haven’t formed properly or a certain nerve doesn’t exist is tremendously painful. I hate the idea that you will one day need spinal surgery to help “fix” malformations. To me you don’t need fixing. To me you are perfect. If I knew you would be okay without medical intervention, then I wouldn’t change a thing. You’re my sweet baby girl, and I love everything about you.
THAT TWIN THING
Yes you’re twins, but as I’ve written above, you are very much your own people too. But I’d be in denial if I ignored your special bond. As much as Copperhead has helped you Little Red, it’s blatantly obvious that she needs you just as much as you’ve needed her. You’re each others constant and therefore, each others safety. You definitely seem to have a secret language, and sometimes do things together without even talking. I love watching you interact, even your tiny arguments are beyond cute!
I’d like to end by saying, that despite my illogical feelings that I didn’t mother you both as well as I could have during the first eighteen months of your life; I could never deny that I have always loved you with every fiber of my being. I can honestly say that I tried every single day to do my best by you, and I can assure you that I will always keep trying. Hand on heart, I promise you both, that I will be right here for you, forever and always.
All my love,