This morning we went to the shops after swimming. To be honest I couldn’t face going straight home. The kids have been full on lately. Copperhead is in the midst of toilet training, Little Red wants to do what her big sister is doing and Little Man? Well, he’s just being himself. He likes to talk and ask questions – a lot. I’m finding it all quite exhausting.
Michael is working long hours and hasn’t really been replying to my texts. I’ve realised that I’m lonely. Incredibly lonely.
EXPECTATIONS VS REALITY?
I knew motherhood would be a change, difficult at times, even. Leaving paid employment for a different kind of work might take some getting used to. The workload this gig creates is stifling, and I’m not including Little Reds medical stuff in that! On a basic level, I’m finding the continual mess of our house stressful. However these are all things I kind of had expectations about. But I didn’t consider the loneliness. Not once. After all, wouldn’t I always have my child for company?
In fact I kind of thought my life would be full of play dates and meeting lots of new people. It is like that some days of course, but largely I’m by myself with three young children. It’s not for want of trying or not getting out. It’s just that the days are long and playgroups, park dates and meet ups are short in comparison.
JUST A BAD DAY?
I feel upset that I’m not enjoying the kids today. But all I can think about is the massive amount of work I need to do around the house. I’m concious how I’ve not had time to brush my teeth this morning despite getting up at 6am. On top of all that, the girls now refuse to get in their pram so I managed to cage them in a trolley that naturally had a dodgy wheel. LR keeps clinging to me and Copperhead keeps trying to climb out. I have their backpacks with the leads attached so I can keep them safe but the looks I got were amusement mixed with pity. In the parents room, I was the mum that looked broken. I tried to make light of the fact my two girls were screaming on the floor by saying it’s so relaxing coming to the shops but I was so close to tears I think they saw through it.
Truthfully, I’m a bit worried that I’m going to spiral soon.
Yes this could just be a bad day/week. I may wake up tomorrow feeling full of beans again. I hope so. For now I’m enjoying nap and quiet time and then I’ll be on count down until Hubby gets home. I’m not normally one for praising social media but I’m grateful for it today. Thankful that I can connect with you guys, my global village.