I’m writing this post to thank you for being you. A lesser man may have walked out on me by now, may have pushed back. I know you’ve had your mental health tested too, we’ve discussed how the girls birth was traumatic for both of us, in different ways, but you chose to be strong for me, for our children and that’s some super hero level stuff right there. When I’d crumble at night after those long NICU days because I longed for my babies you were my rock. I hope I returned the favour, at least in some small capacity.
I sometimes get focused on how hard it was for me, at that time, and maybe I haven’t given you enough credit for the fact you arranged and physically helped move us house during that first week. Perhaps I need to verbally thank you more for managing to not only keep your job this past year but excel at it too. In all honesty I’m in awe of how you do keep everything going and not blow your lid more often. I’m not too sure where you got the energy to do dream feeds, night feeds and then scrape me up from the floor when you returned home from work. I’m not saying you have it harder but I’m not saying that I do either. We do different jobs, so to speak, but I don’t think you have as many emotional breakdowns as I do!
I think of us as a great team, we both have our strengths and weaknesses, but sometimes I wish I was more like you. I’m so proud of how you easily slip between your work and your home life. You can answer an email or a phone call while holding a baby and you defy 1950’s conventions by cleaning and cooking daily.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly.
I want to acknowledge how difficult living with me has been this year. I don’t mean that in a “please tell me it’s not been that bad” kind of way, because I know it has. I’m sorry that I’ve messaged you at times, during work hours, writing utterly desperate and irrational ramblings. I bet that’s been extremely worrying for you, because all the while you have had to keep doing your actual work.
My mental health has been seriously tested and the subsequent reality of that is so has yours. The diagnosis made it easier because at least we knew what we were working with but still… it has been and still is pretty tough some days. I’m beyond grateful that I can tell you exactly what I’m thinking and be assured that all will be okay. I’m thankful for your understanding and appreciation of how I’ve been feeling, especially on those “bad days”. In short I’m not sure I could have got through it without you.
As I write this you are sitting, cuddling with Little Man during his quiet time before bed. You’ve helped bath and feed the girls and then you’ll make our tea. Most of the time telling me to sit, that you’ll get my glass of water.
I’m not too sure what I ever did to deserve such a compassionate and loving person to share my life with, but… you’re definitely a keeper! When I’m old, grey, a tad more senile and with even larger underwear, I picture you and only you by my side. Both of us are indeed truly fortunate to have found each other!