First of all I want to say a massive thank you! The amazingly positive response to my previous post was so unexpected but so very appreciated – by both Hubby and me. To know we have this huge group of lovely supporters keeping us in their thoughts is so powerful and really does give me strength.

Contradicting that statement slightly, I went for my scheduled blood test on Thursday and started to fret for the rest of the day. I calculted that my HCG level (pregnancy hormone) should ideally be around 1000 but 900 would also be equally as good.

I’m sure you’ll agree that waiting is truly the worst part of anything and to say I was anxious about getting the call from the doctor the following morning is an understatement. I was convinced she was going to call and tell me that the HCG levels were dropping or not rising as they should be.

That it was happening again.

I kept myself busy and went about running errands with Little Man while Hubby and his folks worked on landscaping our front garden. I was just leaving the grocery store when I checked my phone and saw a text message from him…

Alison called, HCG is well over a thousand and rising beautifully”

I let out a loud sob instantly. I have never cried with relief before and, as Little Man looked at me with concern, I explained that they were happy tears.

I drove home on cloud nine. All I could think was that I’d made it another week! The number puts me in the definite five week range, still early I know but a massive win for me.

I’ve been feeling positive since but I’m sure the anxiousness will creep in again as I go for my first scan and another blood test later this week.

I keep telling myself how it feels different though, so similar to LM’s pregnancy with plenty of strong symptoms that it’s hard not to feel hopeful about the future. Is this the eternal optimist in me or the naive part? I don’t know, I don’t care. I’m just focusing on making that birth announcement in March. I really feel like this is it and although I’m not ready to start high-fiving everyone out of excitement I still believe it’s going to be okay. It just has to be.

I keep quietly repeating my favourite pregnancy after loss quote…

You can be scared and brave at the same time”

Although the former sentiment pretty much sums up how I feel most of the time it still gives me a little push in a mentally-better direction.

As always, thanks for reading.

Until next time,

Katie

15 comments

  1. Brilliant news about the HCG, so happy it also seems to have injected a bit of positivity in you too. The quote is perfect. Try hard to enjoy the experience, although it is difficult. I know if I am lucky to experience pregnancy again I am determined to enjoy every minute I have despite what has gone before and I hope you can do the same. Yay to HCG rising beautifully! πŸ™‚

    1. What a lovely msg. I always said I’d enjoy it and try and get professional pregnancy photos etc but now the time could be/is here I can’t help but wanting to rush to the due date. I guess my focus is always on the end result but I will definitely try and enjoy it because if everything goes to plan we won’t try again. I only have like 3 photos from my pregnancy with Little Man so I think I’ll do a self portrait with my camera and tripod at least.

  2. Trying to be calm but inside I’m brain is screaming (this time,this time). I have always said I would love a granddaughter as I have 5 grandsons . But just to have a baby is all that matters as I know it will be loved no matter what. Love grandad xxxxx

    1. I know what you mean. As long as the baby is happy and healthy I don’t care, although I cannot imagine how spoilt a little girl would be πŸ˜‰ (They’ll be needing a trampoline each Grandad as I don’t think Little Man will share!!!)

  3. I just read your previous post and this one and I’m so happy for you hon. I know how scared you are but you are absolutely right, you really can be scared and brave at the same time. I know you said that to me and I’m saying it right back to you. I’m so hopeful for you hon. Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts. I’ve been so bad at checking and updating lately but I will definitely be checking in on your blog to see how your doing. Hugs!

    1. Thank you so much! I was thinking about you just the other day πŸ˜€ I do get strength from other stories and knowing how brave others have been on this journey. It kind of makes me have a backbone when I think of women like you who got through it. I hope everything is okay your end? You’ll have to update us when you can x

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