I want to talk about something deeply personal. It is about how difficult it was for us to conceive Little Man and our struggle to give him a sibling.
When I was young I always wanted four children and then, in my mid-teens, when I found out a medical condition would mean fertility was not my strong point it went down to three children. Now I would love two. Two little ginger children that are close in age running around with a grey cat.
The dream feels slightly disobedient because when we were trying for LM I begged, pleaded and prayed for a baby. Just give me one – and I don’t consider myself to be a religious person. For the latter part of 2013 it felt like I had shamefully gone back on the deal because here I was with one healthy, happy baby and I was brazenly longing for another.
For a long time I didn’t feel like a true woman because my body wasn’t working like it should. Thankfully those secret and self-depreciating thoughts aren’t with me since having LM but it still brings me great pain to consider the fact I can’t easily do something so “natural”.
Our life was on hold for so many years while we tried – we endured loss, depressive and grief-stricken states, medical procedures, acupuncture and even discussed what a future without children might entail (cats and cruises in case you are wondering). It’s now getting to the point where I don’t know how much longer we can continue on this journey, both physically and mentally. Yes, life is currently perfect with LM and I’m sure it will continue to be if we are unable to give him a sibling but I feel I must try for a bit longer before closing the door on that chapter. Not too much longer, mind.
Everyday I acknowledge how fortunate I am that I had/have a healthy baby, it makes me appreciate him and my life every single day.
Until next time,
Note: In the past we have seriously looked into adoption but currently the law is not on our side. With news that the new Australian PM is looking to sort out the lengthy process means it could be an option in the future but until then we’ll just have to keep on keeping on.
Second Note: How awesome would a cruise ship full of cats be? (TM).