I find the prospect of choosing names both fun and daunting. I have loved Little Man’s first name since I was about thirteen and it was one I was going to use whether he turned out to be a boy or girl. It’s not too common but it is far from being weird or having a “unique spelling” which seems to be the rage these days.
Hubby and I have also had a girls name picked out for many years. Again, it’s one that isn’t common but it’s also not unheard of either – to save confusion let’s just say it’s Jane even though it is very much a unisex name. During our previous pregnancies we would always talk excitedly about whether I had a little Janey in my tummy and when I lost them we still held on to the name.
With this pregnancy the inevitable has happened and we have talked about if Jane is finally in there.
But now I’ve reached the point where it kind of feels a bit wrong to potentially gift a baby girl this name. There has been so much attached to it for so long, so much longing, hurt and pain. It feels huge to us, to me. We have grieved for all the Jane’s we’ve lost and even discussed doing some kind of ritual to honour the daughter – or a second living baby – we believed we would never have.
It’s a strange feeling. I think I’ve just come around to wanting a fresh start, to not burden one of the twins with this monumental milestone that holds so much weight for us. I believe they deserve their own identity and not one that is steeped in so many years worth of pain.
Maybe it’s simply time to leave Baby Jane in our hearts.
On a lighter note, on Saturday I woke up and a boys name just came to me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. When I messaged Hubby that evening, after sitting on it all day, he said he really liked it. It’s unusual for us to agree so easily on this kind of thing – he can be very difficult at times! I mean, what’s so wrong with Captain Poopy Pants anyway? Little Man likes it. Anywho, I’m not sure if it means we have a name picked out already for one of the babes! Providing we get at least one boy that is…
Until next time,