Eeeeek. So increasing my medication for Anxiety (and, I guess, Post Natal Depression) happened last week. As you can probably appreciate, this was initially a pretty scary step for me to take. Partly because I’ve been absolutely fine for several months. In fact I’d go as far as to say I actually really like the person I am on anti-depressants. Maybe it’s just that I can’t remember who I was before the illness took over my life in such a frightening way but, nevertheless, I’ve been happy.
I think a common misconception of people diagnosed with a mental health issue is that they can’t laugh or have fun. I do both. The girls and I had a dance party yesterday and it was brilliant. Hubby and I regularly joke and giggle. It’s not at all about being unable to get dressed or leave a darkened bedroom. Like most sufferers, I’m high-functioning, capable and still bubbly to be around.
IS IT MY TOLERANCE?
My main concern was the idea that I was no longer tolerating the drug at the initially prescribed amount. I wondered if it was something that would continually need to be increased every six months or so. My worry was that eventually weaning would probably have to happen and what if I simply wasn’t ready in a year or two?
Fortunately my doctor put me at ease and explained that it doesn’t really work like that. She told me I was actually taking below the usually prescribed dose anyway. I won’t lie and I mean no disrespect when I say this, but hearing that did make me feel good. I guess it put me at ease about the increase in my medication.
WHY WRITE ABOUT IT?
In all honesty, I was relieved to leave with a prescription for a higher dose of medication to help with my anxiety. I decided to write about it because I want to normalise it more than anything. I don’t see it as a failure or as a weakness. PND and/or anxiety is a medical issue that is being treated by my doctor. If I didn’t acknowledge it on here, then I feel like I would be holding something significant back.
I also want to record our lives because this is the crux of what my blog is actually about. The ups, the downs and everything in between. Leaving out such a vital portion of my experience with motherhood and Little Red’s health journey would be an injustice to the authenticity of my blog.
Yes, writing is a great outlet for me but it’s like I said to Michael, being at home is all I do. While it’s not necessarily a better kind of stress, he can readily admit that he has work to take his mind off it all. Perhaps being at home means that I have more time to think about everything and therefore work myself up. Maybe going out to work would only add to my stress, who knows? All I can say is that increasing my medication will hopefully help and I’ll continue to check in with my doctor and myself with regards to how I’m going.