Well, how long have you got? Kidding! Kind of. I had my OBGYN appointment yesterday where we discussed what I could expect with a multiple pregnancy. My mind was put at ease constantly but also an air of “we’ll just have to wait and see what happens” hangs over me – which is awful for this planner and list maker!
My fears are mainly of the physical variety:
- Breathlessness – something I’ve been experiencing for a few weeks now and had me scared about the next six months. Turns out it’s down to an excess amount of the hormone progesterone, so I’m hoping once I stop taking it in two weeks it’ll ease off.
- Preeclampsia – I had this right at the very end of my pregnancy with Little Man and while the only cure is to deliver the baby/ies, there is also no preventative action. I suppose, I’m concerned this could cause a very premature labour.
- Weight gain – this is not a vanity thing, more of a how much should I be expected to put on. This does worry me, more the mobility side of things because I’m only short and I did struggle very much towards to the end with LM.
- Blood pressure – again, something I’m worried about but hopefully with monitoring it can be kept under control.
- Nausea – when will it end? Seriously, so bad.
Then we spoke about risks to the babies:
- Risk of something “being wrong” with one – again, rational fears that every pregnancy raises.
- Chances of losing both – as the pregnancy progresses there is less chance. I asked to what stage I could absorb one should I miscarry. The answer was for the next few weeks at least. I asked what would happen should one die in the middle to end stages of my pregnancy, monitoring the other closely was the answer with the end result potentially delivering if a risk of infection was present.
- Chances of them being in ICU after birth – there is some possibility, especially if I have them before 37 weeks. I think this has more to do with low birth weight than anything. My goal is to get to a minimum of 36 weeks but I also have no control if something happens earlier.
Now, the last section may seem morbid to some of you, and I plan on writing a blog post on the subject of “loss being loss” because once you’ve experienced heartache like miscarriage, the innocence is completely gone from pregnancy. Goal posts continue to move – get to eight weeks, get to ten, get to twelve, have a healthy scan, get to twenty weeks and so on. The fear doesn’t end when you get out of the first trimester and it actually starts to manifest into other worries and takes on a life of it’s own.
The emotional fears are a little more complex and tend to be directed to when the twins are here. I think I’m sad about the loss of intimacy you have with one newborn, my future seems to be a blur of changing nappies, feeding and “just getting through the first six months”. I do worry about bonding. I’m not sure how you are supposed to do it with two which might seem a ludicrous thing to say because surely it’s just a natural thing that occurs. Well, I had to work on my bond with LM. It started when he was born – not in the womb due to my feelings of detachment – and, if I’m being completely honest, it took me a good six weeks to feel that real connection. Unfortunately real life isn’t like Hollywood movies at all.
Because I didn’t breastfeed LM I had lots of skin to skin time instead, he also had his afternoon nap in my arms until he weaned himself out of it around eight months old (a sad day indeed). I don’t plan on breastfeeding the twins except for the early days (due to my PCOS and the fact I couldn’t really produce milk even with medication) so I do worry about that special time. Hubby seems to think I can still have skin to skin time with both but all I see is me on the bed with children and cats piled on top of me because you know LM and Oscar will want some of that action too.
Then there is the financial aspect. I thought I was so smart hanging onto a lot of LM’s baby stuff but now it seems we’ll need two of everything anyway! I told Hubby that the lightest baby can go in the Baby Bjorn and Chunk will have to go in the pram until we get a double stroller a few months in!
Anyway, it feels good to get it down on paper (blog!). And as you can see a lot of my issues are to do with the actual pregnancy because I know we can manage the other side. It was wonderful to see the babies dancing on my scan. Twin B has definitely inherited his Dad’s Irish jig with Twin A doing some awkward Zumba moves that I have only recently mastered.
My BFF, P, is coming over for a sleep over today and I am beyond excited. Not only does LM love her – and I mean love her – she has twins herself. I plan on picking her brains and soaking up all the information she can give me.
As always, thanks for reading and if you have any thoughts on this post I’d love to hear them.
Until next time,