Well, how long have you got? Kidding! Kind of. I had my OBGYN appointment yesterday where we discussed what I could expect with a multiple pregnancy. My mind was put at ease constantly but also an air of “we’ll just have to wait and see what happens” hangs over me – which is awful for this planner and list maker!

My fears are mainly of the physical variety:

  • Breathlessness – something I’ve been experiencing for a few weeks now and had me scared about the next six months. Turns out it’s down to an excess amount of the hormone progesterone, so I’m hoping once I stop taking it in two weeks it’ll ease off.
  • Preeclampsia – I had this right at the very end of my pregnancy with Little Man and while the only cure is to deliver the baby/ies, there is also no preventative action. I suppose, I’m concerned this could cause a very premature labour.
  • Weight gain – this is not a vanity thing, more of a how much should I be expected to put on. This does worry me, more the mobility side of things because I’m only short and I did struggle very much towards to the end with LM.
  • Blood pressure – again, something I’m worried about but hopefully with monitoring it can be kept under control.
  • Nausea – when will it end? Seriously, so bad.

Then we spoke about risks to the babies:

  • Risk of something “being wrong” with one – again, rational fears that every pregnancy raises.
  • Chances of losing both – as the pregnancy progresses there is less chance. I asked to what stage I could absorb one should I miscarry. The answer was for the next few weeks at least. I asked what would happen should one die in the middle to end stages of my pregnancy, monitoring the other closely was the answer with the end result potentially delivering if a risk of infection was present.
  • Chances of them being in ICU after birth – there is some possibility, especially if I have them before 37 weeks. I think this has more to do with low birth weight than anything. My goal is to get to a minimum of 36 weeks but I also have no control if something happens earlier.

Now, the last section may seem morbid to some of you, and I plan on writing a blog post on the subject of “loss being loss” because once you’ve experienced heartache like miscarriage, the innocence is completely gone from pregnancy. Goal posts continue to move – get to eight weeks, get to ten, get to twelve, have a healthy scan, get to twenty weeks and so on. The fear doesn’t end when you get out of the first trimester and it actually starts to manifest into other worries and takes on a life of it’s own.

The emotional fears are a little more complex and tend to be directed to when the twins are here. I think I’m sad about the loss of intimacy you have with one newborn, my future seems to be a blur of changing nappies, feeding and “just getting through the first six months”. I do worry about bonding. I’m not sure how you are supposed to do it with two which might seem a ludicrous thing to say because surely it’s just a natural thing that occurs. Well, I had to work on my bond with LM. It started when he was born – not in the womb due to my feelings of detachment – and, if I’m being completely honest, it took me a good six weeks to feel that real connection. Unfortunately real life isn’t like Hollywood movies at all.

Because I didn’t breastfeed LM I had lots of skin to skin time instead, he also had his afternoon nap in my arms until he weaned himself out of it around eight months old (a sad day indeed). I don’t plan on breastfeeding the twins except for the early days (due to my PCOS and the fact I couldn’t really produce milk even with medication) so I do worry about that special time. Hubby seems to think I can still have skin to skin time with both but all I see is me on the bed with children and cats piled on top of me because you know LM and Oscar will want some of that action too.

Then there is the financial aspect. I thought I was so smart hanging onto a lot of LM’s baby stuff but now it seems we’ll need two of everything anyway! I told Hubby that the lightest baby can go in the Baby Bjorn and Chunk will have to go in the pram until we get a double stroller a few months in!

Anyway, it feels good to get it down on paper (blog!). And as you can see a lot of my issues are to do with the actual pregnancy because I know we can manage the other side. It was wonderful to see the babies dancing on my scan. Twin B has definitely inherited his Dad’s Irish jig with Twin A doing some awkward Zumba moves that I have only recently mastered.

My BFF, P, is coming over for a sleep over today and I am beyond excited. Not only does LM love her – and I mean love her – she has twins herself. I plan on picking her brains and soaking up all the information she can give me.

As always, thanks for reading and if you have any thoughts on this post I’d love to hear them.

Until next time,

Katie

6 comments

  1. Oh Katie. (hug) I’ve had many lost pregnancies too. Only one lovely boy, my miracle. I know the fears. When you write them, I relive them with you. Every day I carried my boy I worried. I would imagine all my strength as bright golden star and I would send it his heart every time I was afraid for him. He is 8. I can’t take the fear away, just let you know that you are not alone. I’m sending yours strength now too. <3

    1. Apologies for my late reply. Thank you for your beautiful message and I want to say how sorry I am for your lost little ones. I really like your way of imagining the star and sending it to him, I expect it was a great way to bond too. I really appreciate your strength and thoughts x

  2. Hey Katie! Just found your blog and I’m afraid I’d like to reply to your post with a text so long it could be considered a small book… so I’ll try to keep it short.

    I don’t mean to be nosy, it’s just stuff I wish someone had told me when I was pregnant!

    Like you, I was worried about weight gain, so I eat real good and drank tons of water and I gained 20 pounds. When the girls were born I instantly lost 26 pounds, so, yeah, that was pretty awesome. Even though it was awesome, my stomach never went back to normal (ever). They are one and a half year old now and I still look pregnant. It sucks. But the girls were born at 37weeks with nearly 3kg each, so it was worth it . I am considering a small plastic surgery because of the extra skin. I never in my life thought I’d consider that, but I am. Also, people will tell you that twins are born earlier all the time. That’s not a rule. My cousin had her twins at 41 weeks and I had mine at 37… they went straight to the room with me, never needed any special care or anything. Just 2 normal babies. It helps if you stay calm, breathing exercises that’ll clear your mind and keep your heart rate normal are great. Did you ever take yoga? It helped me a lot.

    Oh, the double stroller is a problem! It doesn’t fit into most elevators, it’s hard to walk into places… and chances are you won’t be alone with the twins on the street until they’ve reached a certain age. We went for 2 small cars. We find it a lot easier to carry.

    For a week and a half my babies cried like mad even though I kept them on my breasts all the time. So, I started complementing my milk with formula in a bottle. I’d take turns. 20 minutes breast milk and then the bottle for each one. I was able to breastfeed them for 7 months and they never refused the breast or the bottle. I used phillips advance bottles because they have really small wholes and the baby has to suck a bit harder so they won’t prefer the bottle to the breast.

    It is hard to bound with 2 babies at the same time. Sometimes you wish you could just hold them both at the same time all the time. I was living with my mom when the girls were born and I felt better because the girls lived being with her as much as they loved being with me. So, I knew I could hand one baby to her if I had to and she’d be happy. But they’ll know you are their mom. Nothing compares to that. Don’t worry.

    Financially, babies are only as expensive as a mother’s urge to buy them everything! hehehe… you will need a lot of diapers and, if you will, the formula. But the really expensive stuff is the stuff we don’t really need but feel like buying ’cause it’s just so darn cute. You know? Right now, it’s an $18 can of milk every 2 days and 8 diapers a day. Ask for big clothes if you are having a shower! We tend to get a lot of newborn clothes you end up not even using and once the babies are older than 6 months you have to buy everything. So, it would help to get a lot of bigger pieces instead of just newborn ones….

    I’m nosy, I’m sorry! I hope it helps =)

    1. Hi Shelly – first of all thank you so much for your awesome message. I’m sorry I’ve not replied until now but I’ve not really been on my blog.

      The information you gave was really helpful. I hadn’t actually considered the double stroller being too small for elevators and things. We already have a single pram and baby bjorn from our son so I think we’ll just use them until we have figured out what will suit our lifestyle.

      I also totally get what you mean about buying, erm, “necessary” items! Again, I’m lucky that they are due around when my son was born so all the clothes should match the seasons. Like you say, you can cope with the minimum provided nappies and formula are being covered.

      I would love to get to 37 weeks – and my aim is two 3kg babies so we’ll just have to see what happens. Did they grow out of their newborn clothes quickly like a single baby or did they stay small for a while?

      Can I ask what surgery you are going get? Admittedly my tummy has always been there but it has been a lot bigger since I had my son. I’m assuming, like you, it’s not going to return after twins.

      Thank you so much for all your help – if you have any other tips I would LOVE to hear them. I’m thinking of trying to join a twin mothers group (if I can find one). I may just have to set one up if there isn’t one available!

      1. Hey katie! I’m sorry for taking forever to reply! I was waiting for some quiet time! Heheheh Well, it never happened and the girls are trying to climb the furniture around me so Im gonna keep this rather short!!! They did grow just like normal babies. I wore new born clothes for about a month and a half ’cause some of them were bigger. To this day we come across babies who are the same age as my twins and are actually smaller than they are! Anyways, Im considering a tummy tuck once the girls are a little older, although I hate the thought! But I also hate looking pregnant. Like, my stomach line is around 72cm and when it get down to under my belly button is 95cm. I do look very pregnant! Nothing fits me and people ask me when Im due! Hahahaha I gotta run! Im all for the mother of twins group thing!!! Count me in! Take care, hun!

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