Today is the day I stop expressing. I came to the decision last night after taking two hours to express 50ml due to needy girls and all the evening jazz.
It was a weird feeling. Fear and doubt about whether I was making the correct choice. Relief that my body could start getting back to a new normal. My days and nights becoming ten times easier. It’d take me 4-5 expressions a day to get a full feed and that effort ate up a lot of time.
It still felt strange when I woke up this morning though. My boobs keep telling me they’re ready to express. My routine is different, much more relaxed. For the first time I sat there just having breakfast with Little Man, my only concern was getting him ready for daycare as the girls slept. (Guaranteed should I start to express one will wake!).
I said I’d express until their due date which was March 16th, yet I still have a slight apprehension. My brain is asking ‘are you sure? They’re premmies y’know and breast is best’. The practical side is going ‘but you’ve got Boobie Bikkies, motillium, Blessed Thistle and Fenugreek left, don’t waste them’. But the voices I really need to listen to, my mental health and gut, are saying it’s time and my body is ready to get moving off this couch.
Maybe I’m too sensitive but I guess I feel a little sad about it. Already something is ending on this newborn journey, it seems to be going so fast. It was a special connection, something only I could do for the twins.
However mixed my feelings are I’m excited that I get more cuddles, more time to just sit and enjoy my girls rather than continuing trying to fit too much into my day. They are a gorgeous picture of health and I’m proud to say that my milk played a part in that – not that breastmilk is the be all and end all. Trying is what makes you a good Mum, not the supply. K x