October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. I’ve written extensively about the devastating loss of miscarriage numerous times but nothing in a while. I’ve not suddenly forgotten about it all or “moved on” because I have children now, no, I actually still think of my angel babies a lot but I guess the big difference is the hurt is not as raw.
It’s true, I’ve received a form of closure since the girls arrival. I feel like our family is complete. The all-consuming longing is no longer with me 24/7. I know in my heart that a certain chapter of my life has closed and I’m more than at peace with that. I remember, a few years ago, when I described the decision to stop trying to conceive “relieved heartbreak”. Relief that the unimaginable pain that losing a baby brings wouldn’t happen again but complete and utter heartbreak of the overall situation, the fact it wasn’t really a choice but a mental health necessity.
I still remember each and every miscarriage like it was yesterday. The grief period where you look at the world through different eyes and how everything seems to slow down.
Many people believe a miscarriage is like a heavy period. It isn’t. Your body still has contractions, your mind is a mess and your heart feels like it’s actually broken inside of your chest. It can cause severe health complications for a woman so I feel that the comparison is quite flippant to say the least.
I get mad at the language used by journalists to describe miscarriage and stillbirth. I believe if you’re covering a celebrity story of this nature the most respectful thing you could ever do is to understand the differences and get the terminology right. This might sound trivial but that’s my point, NOTHING about miscarriage or infant loss is trivial and that’s why I talk openly about it. The stigma and silence is undeserved, it happens to too many women, to too many families. Yes, it’s a hard subject, no one is saying it’s not, and that’s okay, it’s always going to be, but that doesn’t mean we should shy away from it.
We talk a lot about parenthood, becoming a Mum or Dad and creating villages. Families who have a miscarriage, birth a sleeping baby or know the tragedy of experiencing a SIDS loss also need this, because they’re parents too. K x