Yesterday could have been an overwhelming day. In the morning I had an appointment at the hospital regarding my back pain that stems from the spinal block from when I had the girls. In the afternoon we were back there with Little Red for her x-ray to try and clarify the severity of her scoliosis.
I could have been triggered by returning to the hospital and talking about a really traumatic event. I could have gotten upset about my baby girl and her ongoing health issues. It would have been so easy to become anxious about what the rest of this year holds for her, but I didn’t even get a flicker of panic.
I had a “good day” which in actual fact isn’t a good day, it’s just a normal day. It’s how I used to be before this horrible illness took hold and it’s what I long to return to all the time.
I can’t say that I wasn’t touched by my hospital visit or seeing the x-ray pictures that showed a clear curve. But I handled it without going into myself, without self blame and the seemingly ever present mum guilt. I didn’t retreat into my home with that sense of helplessness creeping in again.
No, we ended the day with a walk at the lake. I took photos and stopped Copperhead from eating copious amounts of grass she’d picked. I chatted to another mum and, as always, I was fit to burst with pride whenever I saw someone smile just because they’ve seen my beautiful girls. I watched Hubby and Little Man excitedly throw rocks into the water. I filled my lungs with fresh air and was thankful to have a chance to get my body moving.
It was peaceful and serene and the perfect way to end what could have been a pretty big day. We were simply together as a family, finding joy.