You may have been wondering where I’ve been – or maybe you haven’t noticed I’ve not really posted at all! The truth is I’ve been struggling. Not with time or writers block but with motivation.
For a while now I’ve felt a little flat. I’m not sad, down or suicidal. I feel fulfilled with my home life and my days are busy yet relatively easy because I so enjoy what I’m doing. Being a Mum of three is a dream come true for me. No, instead it’s been a strange numbness, I just feel like I’ve lost my way a little bit.
This blog was always something I HAD to do. I had to write, it was just in me to get words down and connect with the world in that way. But lately I’ve been feeling very vulnerable. So many personal stories are out there and that’s really scary when you’ve started to feel anxious about the smallest of things.
Recently Hubby and I had a heart to heart. I confided my feelings of being flat, my concerns of not being bothered about picking up my camera (something I always did on a daily basis) or even continuing with my blog anymore. He said he thought I might have post natal depression. In my gut I don’t believe I have and I’m a pretty self-aware person who has been in a dark place before. I think I’m simply exhausted – and not just in regards to the babies (we have a routine and they’re pretty placid). We’ve had such a full on couple of years and topped with the interstate move, a new house and then a terrifying birth followed by NICU, well, I guess it’s all been too much too fast and it’s caught up with me. Plus it’s hard having no family close by and establishing new friendships, especially during such a life-changing time.
I’m an honest person and I would never want to give the impression that I have my shit together all the time. I mean, does anyone? Blogging and social media can easily give false impressions but I believe it’s ok to ask for help, to admit that you’re not doing as well as you might appear on the outside. Sometimes you simply need to take a time out, focus on the daily doings, forget about the big picture and simply let your mind and body rest.
Honestly, I’m actually pretty nervous to publish this and once again put my raw feelings out there but being true to myself and anyone else that may read this and relate is far more important than fear. I’m not writing this post to worry you or get sympathy votes. What I’m merely saying is that I’m still here, the girls are doing very well, my days are enjoyable, I’m still laughing a lot and gratitude runs through my veins. But I just need to regroup and get over this little tired, mental road bump. I’ll be back – because just like a bad smell or a Terminator, it’s hard to get rid of me. K x