I suffered from panic attacks at the start of last year. It would happen around the same time everyday. First the nausea would come and it would end up with me having excruciating diarrhea. (*slowly shakes head* TMI Katie, TMI). Subsequently I lost several kilos very quickly. In all honesty, I totally didn’t mind that part but it did have a big impact on my day. Suffering daily panic attacks was also a huge red flag that I wasn’t doing okay.
Eventually they died off – no doubt the improvement in my mental health helped considerably. Lately though, I’ve had a couple. Anxiety lingers in the pit of my stomach and I’ve noticed I’ve been a bit off my food. (Those that know me, know this is incredibly WEIRD!). I’ve also started to feel a bit disconnected from Hubby and the kids, which is another major warning sign for me. I know I’m not feeling okay and this inevitably has a flow on effect, namely, other symptoms from my Post Natal Depression rearing their ugly heads. Honestly, thinking I was going backwards, health-wise, all started making my heart hurt.
I was fairly certain it was all down to Little Red’s medical stuff starting up again. But, now, I’m not sure if it’s a combination of things. We’ve had some major changes over the past couple of weeks. Little Man dropped his Friday at daycare, my medication changed how it’s packaged (although we’re sure the actual contents are the same) and I’ve started to blog more. With prompting from my good friend, I’ve also decided to relaunch my dream of starting my own photography business. SO, I’ve added extra tasks and goals to my already time poor situation! *slow clap*
To be honest though, I am LOVING (see, capitals and everything) having my time to blog. I’m doing what I enjoy and I’m absolutely appreciating having that break from the kids and the “Stay At Home Mum” role. I think it’s been really good for Hubby and the babes too so we’re all ’round winning! I’m also excited about the prospect of my photography business. Even though I’m nervous about putting myself out there in a more creative capacity, I also kind of don’t give a shiz. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for long time now and I just need to stop talking about it! So, although I’m taking on extra things, I believe that they’re actually helping me mentally. Apart from the frustration at being time poor, none of it is really worrying me too much.
I find the panic attacks happen when I’m going to be by myself with the children for an extended amount of time. For example, it may be that it’s 10am, Michael messages me to say he’ll be home late and then it’ll happen.
Thankfully they’ve not been a regular thing, but the tightening in my chest has been constant for a few days now. I don’t like that feeling because I’m not even too sure where it’s all coming from. It’s sad to think a mere three weeks ago I was absolutely fine. The thought of going to the GP to talk about my dosage of anti-depressants is scary because it’s been working for several months. It’s difficult for me to accept that my body is reacting to something and my brain hasn’t caught up as to what it is.