HONOUR is to regard with great respect”
When you have a healthy child at home and you suffer a miscarriage sometimes it can feel like the focus has to be on one or the other. Grief or happiness. Sadness or thankfulness.
Depression and guilt seem to go hand in hand when you’re in this situation. Instead of being able to give yourself fully to the grief cycle you still have to get up, make breakfast, appear “normal” for your child at home. Whilst I fully believe – after my therapist pointed it out to me – that it is more than okay for your child to see you cry, you still cannot allow yourself, perhaps, the adequate time you so dearly need.
Yes, it’s okay for little Johnny to see you cry, to see you resting while Dad makes cups of tea but it’s not okay for this to become your life. At least, for me it wasn’t. Eventually Dad (and you) goes back to work and routines MUST continue, because what is the alternative?
At what point do we find ourselves either living in the grief and somewhat neglecting our living child or shutting down the pain altogether and living life to an apparent fullest? How do we find a happy medium?
I think it comes down to one word. “Honouring”.
Honouring what has happened and what is. Being open about the fact the facade doesn’t always have to be on. The fact you are human and that your child can be of a comfort. Honouring your lost baby and the hole that has been left in your heart and the fact that they were with you, they existed, and are now part of your history. Respecting yourself, the fact you are still standing and the journey you are currently on. Allowing yourself not to feel like you have to choose between your children.
After all, there is no guide book to life and even if there was I probably wouldn’t read it! It’s such a personal thing to go through and I’ve worked hard in trying to find a balance that doesn’t also make me feel guilty 24/7. To be okay with the fact I can feel sadness on one day because of an anniversary and yet still appreciate the life I do actually have at the same time. And that right there, my friend, is honouring the journey.
Until next time,