Every morning I try and do a little blogging before Little Man wakes, this includes writing posts, editing, updating social media and checking my stats. There is one thing that will always stop me in my tracks and take my breath away and that is when someone has typed something into a search engine and arrived at one of my posts regarding miscarriage.

Nearly every week I get random hits on, arguable one of the most read posts I’ve ever published, what not to say to someone who has just had a miscarriage.

This fills me with both sadness and comfort. The fact someone is going to such lengths to support someone can only be seen as a good thing, even if they’re not too sure what to actually do with the information. Inevitably this also leads to Readers clicking on my follow up post of how to comfort someone who has just had a miscarriage.

On one hand it goes to show that dialogue is being opened around this once very taboo subject, that people are acknowledging the life changing loss and not simply telling a couple to try again. I wrote those posts to help people, people who may not have been touched in this way. Grief will always be a horrible thing to deal with and when it surrounds the loss of a pregnancy or infant it will intensify.

I look at my stats and get taken back to my own miscarriages and the agonizingly fresh, painful time that followed. I begin to wonder. Who is this person? Who are they hoping to comfort? I hope they’re okay and know they’re not alone. I wonder if they have a pet that is following them around trying to comfort them or if they are just watching mindless TV while their body heals. I wonder if they have existing children and therefore have to simply get on with their day and are unable to grieve properly. I wonder if the person who typed that awful sentence into Google or Bing and got my blog will actually use any of my suggestions and if they will be of a comfort.

My kids are going to read this blog one day and I want them to be proud of what I tried to do, my willingness to share and desire to help others that can either relate or are needing guidance. I want them to know the struggle we had, that life isn’t all rosy but that you can get through the tough times.

You can survive.

And that single sentence, right there, is just the absolute crux of it…

Until next time,

Katie

3 comments

  1. I just read both of the linked posts and they are perfect. I wish people had googled when I had my first miscarriage, the way (most) people reacted last time and the things said (many you used as examples) meant I never told anyone about my second (bar one friend who has experienced many miscarriages and my sister who has had a miscarriage and was my rock the first time). I wish I could be more open about it, it should never be a taboo subject but to be frank most of the people I told first time (immediate family best friends) contributed to a difficult time by saying all of the wrong things. I also felt people tried to initiate conversation around it and still do, when really I needed to lead on that one. I am glad you wrote these posts and do hope people have the initiative to find out how to react rather than presume they already know. xx

    1. Thank you so much for this msg. It really reassured me that I’m on the right track with trying to educate those who haven’t been touched my pregnancy loss. I like to think people generally come from a good place but I hear you on the reactions of others stopping you from being open again. It’s such a hard thing to go through and I think there are a lot of misunderstandings about the level of pain a miscarriage can cause. I’m hoping if we keep talking about it openly the taboo will disappear and more people will be aware of the impact it has on lives. x

      1. I agree people are nearly always coming from a good place. The best advice is to make yourself available to talk but understand the person may not want to or may not be ready or maybe you are just not the person they want to talk to. Totally agree about pain levels! We are all different too, I would never believe I understand how another person feels after a miscarriage. I am also pretty sure I said all of the wrong things to others before I went through it myself! I am so glad people are finding your posts. 🙂 x

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