Everyday I feed the girls their lunch. We tend to have the radio on and I sing or dance around making them laugh. Normally I take the opportunity of them being trapped in their chairs to do the dishwasher and things like that. Then I sit with them at the table, chatting away and sometimes leafing through a magazine or writing lists.
On this particular day we started playing Peepo.
WHERE’S LITTLE RED?
I’m not being overly dramatic when I tell you that it was wonderful. For the past year I’ve been in a mental health fog and while I still did these kind of games it was like I wasn’t really there. I know that probably doesn’t make any sense. It’s like the lights were on but nobody was home.
During our game I genuinely smiled and laughed and took joy from the simple pleasure of playing with my babies. It really put into perspective how the dark cloud has lifted, even if it’s just by a little bit.
Like I recently said, I’ve had good runs before and been lulled into a false sense of security. Confidence that I was getting better would be taken away from me overnight. But this laughter was different. The happiness felt different. It was all less fleeting and more sincere.
It felt normal, like when I used to play with Little Man. I’ve been feeling so out of control and out of my depth for a long time now but this was all so natural.
I loved it. I felt alive. It’s comforting to feel like it’s all finally seemed to click into place.