I was chatting to a friend recently about how miscarriage creates a fear of pregnancy loss that lasts forever. She admitted that she never understood what I was so afraid of during my pregnancy with Little Man. However after reading my blog she could now empathize how far reaching pregnancy loss can be.
I think a lot of people don’t realise that the experience of miscarriage can continue to haunt you for a long time. You grieve for your little one and the life (that you so richly dreamed about) that they could have had. A previous loss will most likely creep into other pregnancies too.
For example, it must be easy to assume that a woman who has suffered from first trimester loss would be met with immense relief when she reached the second trimester in a subsequent pregnancy. Surely she would naturally start to relax and be able to enjoy this time once the first twelve weeks are over. But, in my opinion, this is far from the case. The goal posts continue to move and new anxieties present themselves.
Get to twelve weeks, get good results on the nuchal translucency scan, get to sixteen weeks, get to twenty.”
Personally I have an all consuming fear of stillbirth purely because my heart has been broken so many times. I know all too well how things can “just happen”. I do not believe that I’ve had my fair share of loss because the world simply doesn’t work that way. Should I deliver healthy children, my fear will evolve and move on to SIDS. The point I’m trying to make is that the fear of losing another child never leaves you. It doesn’t matter when in the pregnancy you have experienced previous losses.
HARD TO ADMIT
So, you see, pregnancy after loss is very tough. Sometimes I find it difficult to verbally articulate why it is to some people. When you’re met with excitement it can be hard to raise the topic of just how scared you really are. Sometimes it feels like you’re being shut down if you do raise the subject of something going wrong purely because people don’t know what to say to you.
I mean, the truth is no one can guarantee the arrival of a safe, healthy, living baby and that is something that I find absolutely terrifying. To those people who have their innocence surrounding pregnancy with a thought like that never crossing their mind, well I’m extremely envious of you. I think it would be extremely wonderful to experience pregnancy without this particular anxiety attached to it.
I also want to end with if you are a woman who knows only too well of what I’m talking about then know you are not alone. I hope you feel comforted that others understand. If you’re pregnant and worrying please have belief that “you got this, you can do it”. Simply focus on each individual day with your baby. Remember, you can be scared and brave at the same time.