This post was harder than I thought. Not that I actually considered how I would feel reading the words of my pregnancy diary again…

WEEK 5

I had the pregnancy confirmed by my OBGYN this week and have told a few people, mainly for support in case something does happen. Which it won’t. Keep calm and stay positive Katie..

Dear Yogi,

You may be wondering why we’ve called you Yogi? Well, your brother has “bear” in his nickname so it seemed fitting, you’know, as in Yogi-Bear. Your father and I debated about calling you Ted but we wanted a non-gender specific name. FYI, your nickname will probably be Ted!

This weeks symptoms:

Nausea
Bloating

WEEK 6

At the beginning of the week I was worried I was losing my pregnancy symptoms as I’ve been so focused on studying for an exam but then it hit me on Thursday and I just had to take an afternoon nap when Little Man was taking his. This happened over the next few days and I even started to get a little nauseated at the thought of sausages so I  knew Yogi was still okay in there.

Dear Yogi,

I think about you often and am anxious to get to our eight week appointment with the Dr. I’m sure if I can get us to that then we’ll be okay and you’ll be with us for the new year. I feel like I’m keeping a safe distance from you at the moment, not wanting to get too attached but I have a good feeling you will be strong like your brother. Strong and healthy and as lovely as he is. I just keep visualising meeting you in the new year.

This weeks symptoms:

Milk jugs getting slightly fuller
Tiredness
Frequent unrination

WEEK 7

I seem to be getting the baby blues early. I’ve been feeling so tearful these past few days and slightly scared. I’ve been re-evaluating a lot and in my scarediness am now convinced I have to decide whether we should move to Hobart in a few years. I’ve also considered moving overseas again – something I always do when I’m getting nervous.

I’m worried about lots of things, like, will I have the patience to care for two children? Will I be a good enough mum for the both of them? Will Little Man get jealous and resent me for paying attention to a new baby? Will they be a Daddy’s kid too?

I’m also anxious about the continuation of the first trimester. I seem to lose babies before eight weeks so I’m thinking of ways to fill the time before our appointment in ten days. In all honesty I’m trying not to focus on it.

Dear Yogi,

I just need you to stay safe in there. I’ve become so attached to you already and sometimes I think I can feel you kicking even though I know it’s probably just food settling. I think you will be a wise, mature soul who will teach me a lot about myself. You’ve just got to hang in there for me.

I love you already.

This weeks symptoms:

Exhaustion
Frequent urination
Tearful
Thirsty for water
Nausea
Bloating
Tummy popped!

* * *

I felt so confident. I was getting so many symptoms, how could they just stop so abruptly? Why me? It’s not fair.

Can I ever trust my gut feeling again?

Not that I believe in heaven but I have to have trust that my children exist somewhere, even if they’re not with me on this earth. I wonder who is looking after them and giving them hugs. I wonder if they have red hair or if any have green eyes. It gives me peace to know I’ll be reunited with them one day… Or sometimes I like to think they’re around me now.

I’ve cried as I put this post together – but it’s exactly what I needed. I’ve felt it bubbling under the surface for a few days and although I’m now probably severely dehydrated I can’t wait for Little Man to wake from his nap so I can shower him with kisses.

Until next time,

Katie

4 comments

Leave a Reply