I’m feeling pretty sad today and it’s fair to say I’m in the midst of pure expat woes. You see, The Mothership is home back in the UK and that awful feeling of utter familial loneliness has washed over me.
In the run up to Departure Day the house takes on a bit of a quiet, more withdrawn quality. Of course this trip has been completely like no other, what with the passing of my beautiful Grandma Barbie during my Mum’s flight here. As I explained in my previous post, we contacted the airline who rescheduled her departure date to an earlier week. It was the right thing to do, absolutely. But the whole thing exacerbated a mixture of feelings. The Mothership was sad to leave but relieved to be getting home. I was sad she was leaving because I wished I was going with her. This simply wasn’t a situation that could have a happy ending.
WHEN DOES HOMESICKNESS BECOME TOO MUCH?
I’d say when someone is sick or a funeral occurs has to be right up there. It feels plain weird that I’m not at home, with my family, during this time. I’ve been a bit snappy, my head constantly throbbing due to immense emotions I can’t suppress. I’m feeling all of my ten years here in Australia and it’s too much.
I know, I know. Why haven’t I just gotten on a plane with Little Man like I said I would? Well, money for one thing, Little Red’s planned medical stuff for another. I also don’t want to leave my girls. There. I said it. The thought of being away from them for two weeks makes me want to cry in that hysterical way where I do that weird high pitched noise that makes the neighbourhood dogs bark.
These past few weeks, we’ve talked a lot about moving back to the UK. The problem is though, I don’t actually dislike it here. I feel very at home in Newcastle and I’ve made some amazing friends. We have a good life here and the reality is we can’t leave anyway, not until we know what’s going on with Little Red.
So, I feel utterly torn. I think the only thing to do is to bite the bullet and go for a visit. It’ll be a mixture of excitement and torture. Relief and heartache.
Whatever I do, I will continue to feel the distance in it’s entirety.