Okay, where do I start? Do I begin by saying how passionate I am about photography? Or how long I’ve been an admirer of this particular photographer? Do I explain how much of a big deal it was for me to actually get maternity photos taken and list all the reasons why? Some of which I’m sure you know?
Should I confide in you how vulnerable and anxious I felt when making the first contact to merely inquire about doing this kind of shoot? Maybe I should confess to wanting to cancel multiple times in the lead up because of “just in case”.
No, instead I’ll start by focusing on the actual photos taken by the uber talented Brian of Brian G Photography.
See that woman there? She is someone who is fighting the fear of pregnancy loss on a daily basis. She is someone who only has a handful of pictures that were taken during her first-born pregnancy because she was too scared to have reminders if it all went horribly wrong. She is someone who was so sure she would never get the opportunity (again) to do this kind of thing. She is immensely proud of this pregnancy and getting so far along. She is someone who knows what a huge milestone it was to actually embrace a pregnancy to the point of getting it immortalized in film.
She is me and she is every woman out there who knows the devastation of loss and the joy and fear of a rainbow baby (or in my particular case, babies!).
AN EXTRA SPECIAL SHOT
When I spoke to Brian (and his awesome assistant/camera mule/sun blocker and wife, Courtney) about a particular shot I wanted to get with my special necklace that represents my miscarriages they didn’t even flinch and I could tell it became a priority for them to get it. In my daily life I obviously don’t really blurt out about all my pregnancy losses except when with certain friends so it can be a bit nerve wracking to actually say it out loud sometimes. However, I’m happy to say I received a comfortable reaction and was able to talk openly about everything baby as we wandered around the beach.
I can’t believe I’m actually putting this on t’internet in all it’s buddha belly loveliness but this (below) is the all important photo that means so much to me. It’s like two worlds I never thought could exist together are colliding in the most beautiful way.
It’s like Brian was in my head – but with much better lighting! I also want to say how fun the shoot was and that I had a great time. I’m really pleased I went through with it. Hubby also informs me that I look “positively tiny” in these photos compared to how I look today (thanks for that Champ!).
However, I want to end with the fact that a lot of people may see this as “just another maternity shoot” but it’s not. Far from it, I can’t emphasize the fact that it is so much more. A pregnancy after loss maternity shoot takes courage, acceptance and love, and it’s taken me a hell of a long time to get here and appreciate that.